Wishing He Was Still Here

For Papaw - 2

Sep 15, 2009

I have been thinking of my grandfather a lot over the last few days. I have thought about him every day since he passed away in March, but these past few days have been really tough.

It started on September 11th, because on that day, it had been nine years since we took our final trip to Colorado. We went to visit my aunt because she was going through chemo treatments, and he wanted to see how she was doing. He also went to visit his granddaughter so he could bring her some tables he had made for her.

I remember being in the van and the two of us just talking, listening to the radio.

I enjoyed hearing him tell stories about work, his garden and my grandmother. He would also tell jokes, which always made me laugh, especially when he laughed after telling them.

We had a nice visit at my aunt’s house, but I know he couldn’t wait to go to his granddaughter’s house to deliver her tables, and also check out her farm. We had a great time at her house, and good food, which included home-made applesauce. It was so good!

The next day, we headed home. I remember him talking politics and saying that “Gore better win, or we’re in trouble.”

While we were still on the road, I was looking at my eyes in the mirror, and I noticed that my right eye was irritated. Papaw said, “When we stop for the night, I’ll put drops in your eyes.”

When we got settled at the hotel, he got ready to put drops in my eyes. He told me to put my head back, and as he was getting ready to put the drop in, I closed my eye. He said, “You gotta keep your eye open dammit.” As soon as he said that I laughed so hard, it was so funny. I think that’s why I put it in every blog I’ve written about him.

On Saturday we had a family reunion. It’s an annual event. This year was the first one since Papaw passed away.

I had a great time talking with family members I don’t see that much. At the same time, it was very hard to be there and realize he wasn’t going to be sitting at the table with us, or going around the room telling stories and jokes.

I received an email from my cousin, who is also the granddaughter I mentioned before. The title of the email was, “You Are My Sunshine.” This was a song I heard my grandfather sing to my grandmother when I was growing up.

When I saw the title of the email, I could hear him singing it to her. As I read the email, I lost it, which is something I hardly ever do.

I know that he is not in pain anymore and he’s in a better place, but I wish he was still with me. I miss him so much..